destruct

i've been feeling self-destructive lately.
nearly ruining my most precious parts of life.

i can't figure out why.
and that's the part that hurts the most.

maybe it's too much of a good thing.
and my mind just can't comprehend that things could be this good.

maybe i'm just testing the waters.
seeing how far i can go until i'm too much. too much for anyone to handle.

because i still can't believe that i can really be happy. that i really deserve to be happy.

sometimes it's easier to be mad
than sad.
or happy.

but then again, i always forget,
that letting yourself find happiness
is always easier than making yourself miserable