Thoughts from a Girl

do you ever feel like you're just ready to be in a relationship. Like, you could totally be committed and be in love and be a girlfriend or wife or even mother. But then the next minute you're like, no, i don't want that quite yet. I don't want all the drama or stress or anxiety that comes with a new relationship, or any relationship really. Last time was just so hard that i'm kind of avoiding anything that even relates to such a thing. i don't want to get hurt again. i don't want to keep getting let down. i don't want to have expectations that just end up getting crushed. and i am not willing to lower or change my expectations, and i'm not sure how willing i am yet to open those up with another guy. it takes a lot to open up and let yourself go and i put so much into it last time. i tried to stay true to what i wanted, but somehow, as always, i let it fall slightly and i just don't know if i'm up to making expectations for someone so that i can get what i really deserve. and since i'm so shaky about it, i'm afraid that if something new does start, that i won't be strong enough or care enough to enforce what i want, and i know that that will only lead to heartache. so....while sometimes i really want to be married or in a relationship, i have to remember the state i'm really in and remind myself that, while those things are good, they should never be rushed into. just because all my friends are married doesn't mean that i should go latch onto the first guy i see. because, let's face it, married survival rate is like 50%. and i do not want to take any chances on starting something that won't last for eternity. it honestly (no matter how much i hate it sometimes) is worth it to me to wait for however long it takes to find a husband that i will be with forever than to get married right now to someone who isn't right for me. i know that i will be an amazing wife. and i know that the man i marry will be amazing as well and that when we get together, great things will happen.

Unhappy by Thriving Ivory

She takes her clothes off and she says
Is it alright if I stay the night?
I don't remember what I said, is it alright?

Well she's gone when I awake
Left a letter, saying everything was a mistake
And I'm alone, but it's alright
'Cause I understand, I could tell everything's not fine
It's never alright to push away, I'm not as blind as you may think
And I'm tired of all that is
And I know that this time it's not all in my head

You look a little unhappy, 'bout the way the world is turning
Is there anything I could do to take your mind off
Your troubled hearted kind? And she said maybe, just maybe
You won't end up like him

It's just another day it's cold
And I'm losin' myself inside
The colors on the wall, are all fading
And all that's left is a hope for another day
That's not cold again, and it's a shame

You look a little unhappy, bout the way the world is turning
Is there anything I could do to take your mind off
Your troubled hearted kind? And she said maybe, just maybe
You won't end up like him

Must have been around midnight, There's a ghost at the door
She said please go slowly, cause we've all been here before
She takes her clothes off and she says
Is it alright if I stay the night?
I don't remember what I said, is it alright?
And I know that this time it's not all in my head

You look a little unhappy, bout the way the world is turning
Is there anything I could do to take your mind off
Your troubled hearted kind? And she said maybe, just maybe
You won't end up like him

Ok, I love this song. I think that it's about a girl who has broken up with a guy that wasn't good to her, so she goes to seek comfort with a good guy friend that maybe she's seeing in a different light. he asks her what he can do to help her and the only thing she says is, "maybe you won't end up like him". Like saying, if you do anything, make sure you aren't like that guy. he wasn't good and didn't treat her right. so be better than him. treat me (or whomever) better than he did. Treat me like how i deserve. if you want to make me happy (with me or with someone else) just don't end up like him. begging him to be better. she came to see him because maybe she's realized that the other guy wasn't good enough and she's realizing, even though she's devastated and heartbroken, that this guy is someone that will treat her right. I love it because it shows that even though she's been treated badly and has reason to lose all hope and faith in guys and what they have to offer, she still finds hope in this one that she goes to. she's been around "bad" long enough and she wants to be with some "good" and she knows that he could be it. she has the faith that he can be the one that doesn't leave her in shambles. it is of hope. don't be unhappy. you'll make me happy if there's just one guy out there who isn't like the rest.

Pray Your Heart Out

Can I just say how much I appreciate the ability we have to pray? I just love it. I love just saying everything I want to say, anything I'm feeling or thinking. All the bad stuff that goes through my mind that makes life sad, and all the great amazing things that happen to me everyday that I sometimes neglect to recognize. Knowing that at any time - even if I'm in class, at a friends house, walking on campus, or just in the comfort of my own bedroom - that I have someone right there with me that I can talk to. I don't have to have something interesting to say, I can just say what I'm feeling. I can say thank you for giving me such a wonderful fulfilling life. I can beg forgiveness for mistakes I've made. I can ask for things that I want - my deepest desires. And I can also acknowledge that, while I may request many things and I may not be as grateful for some things as I should be, I want things to go according to His will and plan for me. And that, to me, is the hardest and yet most fulfilling thing. Because He does know everything and even when I'm being difficult, He will guide me to the path, even if it hurts or if I argue. I know that I have to let Him do it because He knows best and, well, I want Him to.

So, there's my little shout out for praying. Never underestimate the power of communication - the power of communication with the most important person in our lives.