My December by Linkin Park

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone

And I
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

This is my December
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need

And I
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

it's not "goodbye", it's "see you later"

I hate the sound that goodbye's make. I really do. Every time I think of leaving, it almost makes me cry. I love the people here. I feel like I'm at home. I don't want to have to say goodbye. I know of course I'll see everyone again soon, but it's just not the same. I'm afraid I'll go home and I won't find myself nearly as happy as I've been here. I guess this place has been like an escape for me. I got to escape life for a bit. my family, my friends (the few that stayed), my job, ex-boyfriends, drama. I got to forget about everything that was going on and just come here and relax. I've been thinking about my life and what I really want out of it. What I really deserve. I feel so confused right now. I'm scared of coming home. I'm scared of what that will mean. Of what will happen. Not that I think anything bad will happen, I just......I don't know how to explain it. I just feel in limbo. I like it here. Things make sense here. I can think clearly. Everything is new here and I like it. I like not having all the old stuff to wade through when I'm in Utah, trying so hard to get through to the new stuff, but somehow still getting bogged down by everything else. I'm afraid I'll come home and go back to the old stuff. I'll forget the progress I've made the person I've become. It's sounds impossible, but I'm scared it will happen. I'm not the same person I was when I left, I know that for sure. And I'm so grateful that that is the case. People here make sure I show who I really am and stick to it. Maybe because they haven't know me my whole life. They just know the me now, not the me then. Even though sometimes I get picked on, I know it's not because they're questioning me or judging me. Sometimes, because I've been in the same place for so many years and I've known the same people for all those years, I feel like I need to stay that person, like I need to reform myself when I'm with them, can't be my "changed" self because maybe they won't understand. Not that I'm all different in a drastic way, just in little ways. But that's how I've always felt. I like feeling included, wanted, really part of a family - a whole family. It doesn't feel messy like it does back home.