Thoughts from a Girl

do you ever feel like you're just ready to be in a relationship. Like, you could totally be committed and be in love and be a girlfriend or wife or even mother. But then the next minute you're like, no, i don't want that quite yet. I don't want all the drama or stress or anxiety that comes with a new relationship, or any relationship really. Last time was just so hard that i'm kind of avoiding anything that even relates to such a thing. i don't want to get hurt again. i don't want to keep getting let down. i don't want to have expectations that just end up getting crushed. and i am not willing to lower or change my expectations, and i'm not sure how willing i am yet to open those up with another guy. it takes a lot to open up and let yourself go and i put so much into it last time. i tried to stay true to what i wanted, but somehow, as always, i let it fall slightly and i just don't know if i'm up to making expectations for someone so that i can get what i really deserve. and since i'm so shaky about it, i'm afraid that if something new does start, that i won't be strong enough or care enough to enforce what i want, and i know that that will only lead to heartache. so....while sometimes i really want to be married or in a relationship, i have to remember the state i'm really in and remind myself that, while those things are good, they should never be rushed into. just because all my friends are married doesn't mean that i should go latch onto the first guy i see. because, let's face it, married survival rate is like 50%. and i do not want to take any chances on starting something that won't last for eternity. it honestly (no matter how much i hate it sometimes) is worth it to me to wait for however long it takes to find a husband that i will be with forever than to get married right now to someone who isn't right for me. i know that i will be an amazing wife. and i know that the man i marry will be amazing as well and that when we get together, great things will happen.